Ignorant to Love and it's Complexity

Wow it's been more than a while since i've blogged! I decided to come back because this is relevant and needed this outlet.

Until recently i bared the ignorance of a child it seems. This whole feeling of love/like and the dynamics that create and build romantic relationships has taught me alot lately. Everyone should know, and i think most do know, that both parties need to love themselves before being able to properly love someone else. The energy that you give them will be that much more fulfilling should you have yourself put together, you're not broken and not carrying any baggage or insecurity that could hinder you from taking this special person in. It sounds cliche but despite that it's quite true.

I always knew of this information but i guess i had no clue about the magnitude of it's role. Ignorant thinking had me believe that showing a person that may be broken or insecure the light, that I myself can pull this person out. While in some cases people have had someone there to show them something real and have them realize they are greater, it's not a for sure result that they'll think likewise. Although your actions and words may speak of them being greater than what they may think, and the supportive nature can seem like all that this broken person needs. The love for themselves will only brew from within. By no means do i think that this base of support should stripped. It's just that until they believe it for themselves your words have none if any, little effect.

I wish that it was just that simple. Just by letting them see what kind of person you are, and from there also letting them know what you see in them it can be all good. By treating them as they should treat and think of themselves that they'll give into that same perspective. You would think that any person would be willing to accept such positive energy into their lives. It's weird and surprising that having someone around that wants to show you that you're so much better than you know, would be that hard to swallow. But reality has this written in it's own code. Good intentions and good nature can't always prevail since the focus is within another. They need to want to support themselves for this external reinforcement to have any value.

Of course none of us are perfect. We all have something that we may not like about ourselves or maybe events in our lives or how we handle things that we're not particularly proud of. But from accepting what we cannot change and pressing on, you transcend. Hopefully everyone can someday love themselves because that's where it matters most.

It's weird..

It's so weird how sometimes you can feel like such an outcast.
I normally don't see or pay attention to color (ethnicity) unless it's brought to my attention. But not too long ago I was at my brother's aunt's house. It was all fun and games until they began speaking about black people. I must make it clear that everyone there was black, with me having the lightest skin. Back into what i was saying, they bagan a discussion about how light skinned black people are conceited and very much into themselves. How we basically believe that we are above the darker skinned. Then to hear his aunt tell her daughter to bring ONLY a dark man home, she can't stand yellow bone (light skin).... The feeling i felt was just...ehh inexplanable. I was pretty angry to hear that but was pretty shocked to see that this was being said in my face!!

It's soo bad because I'm always being badgered by my own race about how i don't hang out with "enough" black people. Then a day when I do, I am placed in a position like that? It's bullshit. On other occasions as well, i'm always being questioned about why am i this way or that way? Why do u wear those clothes? Why do you speak that way? Why haven't I seen you with a black girl? It bugs the hell out of me when I'm being told what I should do when it's based on nothing but pure ignorance.

So on either side for me, i just noticed that i feel i share no ethnicity with anyone. Most of my friends are Asian, but I'm not Asian, nor do I want to be or feel like I am. I find it nice to see other ethnicities that hang with each other speaking their native language. Since i am so facinated by language, I envy that privilege. To be able to communicate with someone else through that common ground. I DON'T have a native language... It seems very little but i think it sucks terribly. I don't know, it sounds emo but yeah just thought that I'd type about this. I don't feel that common ground that others may feel, everything about our relationship is based on your character =] Too bad all of us don't share the same outlook.

Unanswered

Hmm.. Thanksgiving night my cousin and i had a convo about religion. It seems to always intrigue ppl that practice religion, that i am agnostic. I donn't necessarily like explaining myself and why i am, but i'm not afraid to say what i think is questionable and pushes me to think otherwise. So i just felt like typing a blog about this.
O.k the thing is. Us as humans ofcourse our potential at knowledge is forever growing and our sense of power is through the roof since we dominate the very fate of everything basically. The questions that often bother us is "What's beyond us?", "Why are we here", "What will happen after death?" I believe that these questions that were unanswered before these religions were created, were often also being asked by ppl like us. I believe that they were created to give us the sense of comfort and to civilise the masses. A scenario that goes through my head is an old ancient kingdom that had a king that wanted his ppl to be civilised and to feel that there was consequences to their actions that are from a higher spirit. The king also wanted to comfort them and try to answer the questions i had mentioned earlier. Whether if it were a king or not i believe that there was someone or some ppl that understood this uncomforting confusion and the incivilised nature. Thus a practice is created. Created for what is permissable and what should be punishable by a higher being/s. Created for what will happen after death, and how to live life.
The thing is noone REALLY knows. The books we have now, representing the way of living life today, have aged and been passed down through many philosophers. Leaving plenty of room for any alteration of their desire. Another thing to think about it is that these books were first written in a language that had to be translated to ours. Who knows what could have been lost through translation?
But it all comes down to your faith. If u practice a religion, continue to faithfully believe in what u truly feel connected to. Who knows if one day my beliefs shall change. Maybe all of these thoughts i just put down shall be ignored...