Friday, December 12, 2008

It's weird..

It's so weird how sometimes you can feel like such an outcast.
I normally don't see or pay attention to color (ethnicity) unless it's brought to my attention. But not too long ago I was at my brother's aunt's house. It was all fun and games until they began speaking about black people. I must make it clear that everyone there was black, with me having the lightest skin. Back into what i was saying, they bagan a discussion about how light skinned black people are conceited and very much into themselves. How we basically believe that we are above the darker skinned. Then to hear his aunt tell her daughter to bring ONLY a dark man home, she can't stand yellow bone (light skin).... The feeling i felt was just...ehh inexplanable. I was pretty angry to hear that but was pretty shocked to see that this was being said in my face!!

It's soo bad because I'm always being badgered by my own race about how i don't hang out with "enough" black people. Then a day when I do, I am placed in a position like that? It's bullshit. On other occasions as well, i'm always being questioned about why am i this way or that way? Why do u wear those clothes? Why do you speak that way? Why haven't I seen you with a black girl? It bugs the hell out of me when I'm being told what I should do when it's based on nothing but pure ignorance.

So on either side for me, i just noticed that i feel i share no ethnicity with anyone. Most of my friends are Asian, but I'm not Asian, nor do I want to be or feel like I am. I find it nice to see other ethnicities that hang with each other speaking their native language. Since i am so facinated by language, I envy that privilege. To be able to communicate with someone else through that common ground. I DON'T have a native language... It seems very little but i think it sucks terribly. I don't know, it sounds emo but yeah just thought that I'd type about this. I don't feel that common ground that others may feel, everything about our relationship is based on your character =] Too bad all of us don't share the same outlook.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Unanswered

Hmm.. Thanksgiving night my cousin and i had a convo about religion. It seems to always intrigue ppl that practice religion, that i am agnostic. I donn't necessarily like explaining myself and why i am, but i'm not afraid to say what i think is questionable and pushes me to think otherwise. So i just felt like typing a blog about this.
O.k the thing is. Us as humans ofcourse our potential at knowledge is forever growing and our sense of power is through the roof since we dominate the very fate of everything basically. The questions that often bother us is "What's beyond us?", "Why are we here", "What will happen after death?" I believe that these questions that were unanswered before these religions were created, were often also being asked by ppl like us. I believe that they were created to give us the sense of comfort and to civilise the masses. A scenario that goes through my head is an old ancient kingdom that had a king that wanted his ppl to be civilised and to feel that there was consequences to their actions that are from a higher spirit. The king also wanted to comfort them and try to answer the questions i had mentioned earlier. Whether if it were a king or not i believe that there was someone or some ppl that understood this uncomforting confusion and the incivilised nature. Thus a practice is created. Created for what is permissable and what should be punishable by a higher being/s. Created for what will happen after death, and how to live life.
The thing is noone REALLY knows. The books we have now, representing the way of living life today, have aged and been passed down through many philosophers. Leaving plenty of room for any alteration of their desire. Another thing to think about it is that these books were first written in a language that had to be translated to ours. Who knows what could have been lost through translation?
But it all comes down to your faith. If u practice a religion, continue to faithfully believe in what u truly feel connected to. Who knows if one day my beliefs shall change. Maybe all of these thoughts i just put down shall be ignored...